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JK Performance Products

TMac

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#1
Thankfully, this site is fairly free from false advertising, but in the interest of humor, I thought it would be a grin to invite others to make up their own "performance upgrades". So, I'll start:

Dateline 11/19/2020: 200 extra HP for the 2020-2022 Explorer ST

Ersatz Brothers today introduced their new tuning device at SEMA for the Explorer ST. This powerful, patented, placebo plugs directly into the USB port, and through its AI interface directly modifies the ST tune to deliver an extra 200 hp.

* Delivers up to 200 extra horsepower- You look like a cop, now you can outrun a cop! (radio not included)
* Real world MPG improvements up to 50%- At today's prices it pays for itself in the first month of driving!
* AI based cognitive learning capability with fuzzy logic learns the way YOU DRIVE- It senses when you press the loud pedal and goes faster!
* Dyno tested- Charts not included so as to protect intellectual property.
* Plugs into USB port- leaving OBD port free for other tuning products!
* Includes proprietary "Differential Defender"- never again worry about rear differential due to that pesky missing bolt!
* Easy installation- no tools needed. If you can recharge an iPhone you're all set!
* Auto Start-Stop Defeat- eliminate that extra button push! After dealing with seatbelt, brake pedal, start button, emergency brake, shift knob, and mode selector, who needs that annoyance?
* Active Noise Cancelling software- Eliminate all fake engine sounds. requires optional Bose N/C headset.

Priced at only $699.95. Use promo code "FAUX_CHI" for 20% discount.
Ersatz Brothers- For people looking for "REAL Tuning"

* YMMV
 

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msota84

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#2
LETS GO BRANDON!!!!
 

F=MA

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Adjustable Auto-Hold Limits which create " Line-Loc " capabilities without adding additional electronics or making permanent alterations to the vehicles brake lines.
 

F=MA

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Wind sensitive front hood bumpers that auto-adjust the front hood gap to minimize aerodynamic drag.
 

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F=MA

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Exhaust scrubbers which collect, purify and redistribute condensed exhaust gas into a distilled water spray system that constantly cleanses any dust or debris on the vehicle's tailgate while the vehicle is in motion.
 

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Autoworker

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#7
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Available on all 2022 Explorers is FAST. (Flatulence Avoidance System Twinroof). If sensors imbedded in the seats detect any mixture of Methane, Nitrogen, Carbon Dioxide, or Hydrogen Sulfide, the Twin Moonroof automatically opens for 5 seconds to air out the cabin. A warning display will show the seat position from where the odor originates.

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F=MA

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She looks like she needs to pop a shipping bubble :p

The rear-view cabin mirror is now a thing of the past. Now introducing Ford's "Never Look Back" system on all 2022 Ford Explorers. Now you may upgrade the FAST system with both the optional Guilty Party Seat Ejector system and Mother-In-Law auto lock seat-belt tensioner system which helps to automatically control audio responses from all non-driving passengers (automatically tightens seat belt to disrupt normal breathing patterns).
 

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#9
She has the knuckles of a tile setter or, maybe a hardwood installer?
Well she spends a lot of time on her knees... :censored:
 

Autoworker

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#10
Finally... A Set of Exhaust Tips I'm Happy With......

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After many trials and errors, I found a set of exhaust tips I like. Bought them from (NASA?), made by Thiokol, a subsidiary of Pratt & Whitney. The only thing I don't like about them is they are sleeved with thin rubber O-rings that may leak. They fit, but I trimmed the lower panel to tuck them under the bumper. Shipping was expensive, but I think they're bad ass!
 

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OP
T

TMac

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Thread Starter #11
Ersatz Brothers announces "LASI" (Lifestyle-Aided Selection Interconnect)
Available immediately for all Explorer and Navigator models, this computer interface connects directly to the vehicles wiring harness eliminating all the needless button presses needed to get your vehicle on the road with a minimum of work on the driver's part. Tired of pressing the brake pedal, pushing the start button, releasing the e-brake, rotating the gear selector multiple clicks, pushing the Auto Stop-Start button, and rotating the Drive Mode selector? So are the engineers at Ersatz Brothers!

With our powerful new interface, you can select via a remote touchscreen (some dash modifications and cutting of wiring harness is required) a pre-programmed set of steps to eliminate all of these annoying button presses and knob rotations. You only need to press the Start button. After pressing the Start button, this AI enabled ecu will automatically release the E-brake, move car to "D"rive*, disable auto-start stop and select Sport Mode. Imagine the fingernails and seconds you'll save each time you start your car!

Only $899.99 on sale now at our website.
* Piggy-back module to place vehicle in "R"everse instead of drive upon startup is optional - a bargain at $499.99.

Buy one today!!!
 

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Autoworker

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#12
A lot of conversation about "buttons" on the forum lately. I bought this one from ACME Industries to activate the Sport Mode function. This also activates a 150hp shot of nitrous.
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Here are the results........
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I've got a little more tuning to do, but the $1200.00 I have in the system seems worth it. :giggle:
 

Autoworker

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#13
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Rear Mounted 3.0L EcoBoost V6 Engine

Paired with the front 3.0L V6, the rear mounted 3.0L V6 EcoBoost
engine provides an additional 400 Horsepower!*
Available only with the "ST Overkill Package,"
* the twin
turbo engine allows for a total of 800 combined horsepower.


*Overkill Package Decreases Passenger seating.

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#14
View attachment 10224

View attachment 10228

View attachment 10229

View attachment 10225
Rear Mounted 3.0L EcoBoost V6 Engine

Paired with the front 3.0L V6, the rear mounted 3.0L V6 EcoBoost
engine provides an additional 400 Horsepower!*
Available only with the "ST Overkill Package,"
* the twin
turbo engine allows for a total of 800 combined horsepower.


*Overkill Package Decreases Passenger seating.

View attachment 10226
That's with the 3- bolt subframe. The 4-bolt is an optional $2500
 

Autoworker

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#15
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Hands-Free Foot and Voice Activated Master Reset

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This available feature allows you to reset the vehicles "non-working" programming and functions, saving a trip to the dealership.
Forcefully kick the receiver hitch, repeat your pre-selected words, and the computer will reset. **
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** Not responsible for personal injury or vehicle damage.



 

F=MA

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#16
"Hands Up Don't Shoot" option may soon be available on newer Ford Explorer models.

BlueCruise.jpg
 



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